My story is a microcosm of the story of modern America. You can follow my story in prior posts or over on YouTube, so I won't go into it here. Suffice to say I have lived well beyond my means for most of my life, and it has caused problems. Kinda like the government. I am coming to terms with it now. I hope the government comes to terms with radical debt soon as well. They probably will, by hook or crook.
I tried to have it both ways. I wanted to live “the life”. If your expenses exceed your income, you have three options. You can either increase your income, decrease expenses, or go into debt.
I wasn't willing to do the things required to increase my income. I didn’t do the hard work of reducing expenses, even though I knew I should. So I chose to go into debt. That, of course, was a very bad decision. As my income was considerable, the amount of debt that came my way was also considerable. And I found out, just like the US government, that it's very very easy to spend other people's money.
What the government has that I don't have is the ability to print money and the backing of an enormous pool of value. As is discussed just about everywhere anymore, that pool of value has dwindled considerably and is in danger of drying up. I don’t pile on to the hand-wringing over the national debt, because I know we all caused it and, if we were in positions of authority, we would do the same thing. We are the money supply. We are the labor statistics and the deficit.
Money is a field of energy. You resonate with it, or you don't. If you're not in resonance with the field, even huge amounts of money that you might make will slip right through your hands.
Funny that. That's already happened in my life. The value that I have provided slipped right through my hands, because I wasn't ready for it. Because I felt like I wasn't worth it. Because I was not authentic.
Empires start wars to distract and blame. I did the same in in my own personal way. I found ways to deflect and distract for a long time. My version of warfare was, for instance, berating the banks for “limiting” me by not providing enough for me to expand and grow. By pretending that I needed a better model car. I stirred the field in so many negative ways. It isn't until you accept personal responsibility that things begin to change.
And change they did. Once I put out the fire - got control of my spending habits and covered basic needs - I began to work deeply with accepting personal accountability for all that happened. I knew that I was totally responsible for my circumstances, of course, but I had been choosing another path.
I have never publicly played the “victim”, learning decades ago that victimhood is pointless and boring and annoying to those around you. I've never felt like a victim. But I also didn't take personal responsibility for my own actions. I didn't practice what I preached in that regard.
New agey gooey constructs fail when it comes to finance. I am a firm believer in affirming a better life, in asking the universe to meet you where you are. When it comes to money, “fake it till you make it” is uniquely bad advice. Here’s a hint from the front - don’t do that. Finance requires a more tangible approach. I knew this, of course. But I chose not to live my beliefs.
Lack of authenticity is devastating. You can't be a full human being if you are still telling yourself lies. The first step to recovery is to conduct an honest accounting and acceptance of your own behavior. Learn from the negativity and pain that you cause. Understand fully the mistakes that brought you to where you are. Accept responsibility. Then move forward. Don’t dwell on the mistakes of the past, don't beat yourself up about them. Just keep moving.
The next step is to remember your joy. Remember (or identify) what makes your heart full, and do it. Forget about what you lack. Be grateful for what you have. Gratitude is the key. Gratitude equals resilience. Not fake gratitude but real, honest “I am thankful for my nice warm bed” kind of gratitude. Ya gotta mean it.
The next step is to release fear. In my case my fear is not existential, I know what to do to recover and I know how to do it. My fear has always been the opinions of others. That's what I've had to release.
So now I'm doing music videos again, even though I haven't been on stage in 30 years. My raw sessions are just that. But I love doing them. I love singing the old songs. I'll get better as I go. I’m using impressive new tech to create original new music and videos, tech that was not available to me as a songwriter, even two years ago. It’s a new world. The key is to just start. I know I'm probably preaching to the choir here, but so it is.
The next step is to learn to trust again. You have to be able to trust yourself again first. And then start finding ways to trust others again. Relations with people are both awesome and awful. A lot has happened in my life, both good and bad. How you deal is your choice. I've been choosing awful for a decade. I'm over that. Now I’m once again choosing to be joyful in my connections with others. I choose to be in trust and in truth and in a solid relationship with myself once again.
I think I have finally puked out my personal story now. I'm sharing because I don't want other people to make the same mistakes. If I can save anyone from sliding down this kind of rabbit hole I will be very happy. Me? I'm a survivor. I'm a hard ass old cracker from the deep woods. I'll be fine. But there are people who will have a much harder should they lose everything. I don't want you to have to do that. Maybe dot gov will figure it out in time. Probably not, prepare…
From here on my message becomes positive. Because I'm really a positive guy. Here's a start. The first breezy rain from a tropical storm is blowing through north Georgia this morning, breaking the relentless dry heat of the last few weeks. I am grateful for the cool breeze that graces my porch as I write this piece. Consciousness is an incredible gift.
