I posited in a recent post that I consider myself to be “post-doom”. What does that mean? I define post-doom as when the circumstances of your life are so anti-fragile that not even the apocalypse can hurt you. That is where I find myself. It’s an interesting feeling.
The events that brought me to post-doom are of my own making, but there was nonetheless a certain feeling of inevitability about them. You can read the story in my earlier post called “Post-Doom”.
Even though I have an MBA, I've always been terrible with money. I think it's rooted in my childhood. My parents came of age in the depression era; they were always concerned about stretching pennies. I remember feeling that they were terrified of scarcity. Money, or the lack thereof, was always at or near the top of mind. That isn't to say I had a rough childhood, I didn’t. But the attitude around money was one of scarcity and lack.
Thus, I decided from an early age that I would just make tons of money so I would would never have to worry about it. I made good money, but I always spent more. Money is a recurring problem in my life.
Fast forward to here and now. About a year ago I was forcibly retired from a very lucrative job. I had assumed that I would be at that job for several more years. I wasn't saving. When the income dried up, I in short order hit the financial wall. It led, at least indirectly, to yet one more relationship failure. By spring of this year (2024) I found myself broke and alone.
But that isn't the end of the story. No no no. That's just the beginning. A couple mornings after, I was sitting on the porch watching the sunrise when I had an incredible epiphany. I can't really explain what happened, I guess the best description is the sky opened.
Virtually everything that was foundational in my life is called into question. For many straight days, probably 30, I woke up at either 2:26 or 3:25 in the morning. It was bizarre. My eating habits changed, my breathing patterns changed, my relationship with the world changed. I am someone I have never been before. I’m still broke, but now my spending is totally under control. I’m not anxious about it. I know it will work out.
This newfound sense of purpose feels like destiny. It came out of nowhere, I didn’t expect it. I find myself in contact with - for lack of a better term - entities. I feel guided. I'm putting myself out there by talking about this publicly. But it seems important. It seems very important. I need to share this experience.
I’m a rational thinker. I've heard others talk about a rise in energy on planet earth and other new-agey explanations of the sort that I until recently considered psychobabble. I'm 68 years old. This change in my life feels permanent. I feel like I'm called to do something. I'm not sure at this moment what or how or why, but I plan to keep you posted.
I don't know if anyone's reading this or not. It's not terribly important. It's something I need to say.