There's something mystical and alluring about romantic love. You know that kind of love. It's not about lust but about the bliss and awe we experience just from being in the presence of that one wonderful person. There’s something so Victorian about it.
The modern world pulls us apart. I suspect it's because we have too many options. Or because we live longer than they did in those days. I imagine Madeline found Farnsworth to be incredibly boring too.
Nonetheless, romantic love has a seductive appeal; I suspect every one of us deep down in our hearts desires romantic love. That “other” that, you know, completes us. But it's a project that doesn't survive the Gantt chart. It never quite gets off the ground. Or if it gets off the ground it falters on the requirements of the daily.
Desire, however, is not to be denied. If we can't have romantic love, we'll settle for lust. And lust is of a wholly different character. Romantic love is preparing an elegant meal. It's carefully selecting only the finest ingredients, chopping and coring and paring until everything fits just so, then stirring and minding the process so that the whole business culminates in a dazzling presentation. Lust is slurping it all down in two scoops of a serving spoon.
I'm not castigating lust. Lust can be a lot of fun. But it's not romantic love. It doesn't have the same resonance, nor does it serve the same purpose. Lust is a fission reaction, whereas love is a fusion reaction. Both are highly charged energetically, but their residue is qualitatively different.
When we are lucky enough to have a moment of romantic love, we want to ossify it and make it stay in that same form forever. But romantic love has a life cycle similar to a flower. It blooms in the spring and fades in the autumn heat. Some couples manage to keep romantic love alive. It's not unheard of - I've actually seen it. But they are by far the exception. Mostly, we grow apart and then go away. Then we blame romance for being fickle when it's just doing what romance does. So we fall back on lust, swapping those precious bodily fluids with some cheeky stranger.
If you have that moment of bliss that accompanies romantic love, please enjoy it fully in that moment. Don't try to extend it beyond its natural life. Should it turn into a marriage, and particularly into children, find ways to make it work. I would love to tell you this is from experience. Sadly, it's not. Although my kids turned out great, I certainly could have done better. The romance fades, but the responsibilities don't.
My sons sensed the quiet desperation of their parents. They have chosen not to have kids. My odds of becoming a grandfather are vanishingly small, and sliding further into the distance every day. And they aren't alone. I see much of their generation doing the same thing. It's sad and a bit disquieting, but I get it. Life is hard. Why make it harder?
The battle of the sexes has been waging for decades now, but hard lines are drawn at this point. You've got mgtow on one side. You've got radical feminism on another. And there is a third wave that I freely admit I’m too blissfully unaware to even understand.
There doesn't seem to be any willingness to compromise. The “good” men muscle up, and move to the Philippines or Vietnam or Colombia, because the women there are more “traditional”. The “good” women shout to the heavens that they don't need no man. I suppose they don't. I also suppose that neither of these things end well.
I'm at the age where romantic love would actually make sense, but there aren't any takers. Would I want to fall in love like a high school sophomore? Yes, probably. I've seen and even met women who feel the same way. But we both realize very quickly that we would last together for about 15 minutes. And that's just not worth it. Life has hardened us, built a shell around us. It isn’t about fear so much as about Charlie Brown kicking Lucy’s football (there - how old am I really?).
All things considered, romantic love is probably off the table. I'll keep looking. And I will try to not be disappointed if I don't find it. But it would have been nice.
